Bored, bored, bored. I am very bored. I can’t remember ever being this bored before. If being bored becomes an event in the London Olympics I will win gold, silver AND bronze for Britain. I am very, very, very bored. Bored, bored, bored. This place is so boring. Why is this place so boring? Is everyone else this bored or is it just me? I am so bored that if you look up the word ‘bored’ in a dictionary you will just find a photograph of me. How can I be so bored? If I am this bored before 9 o’clock how bloody bored will I be by the end of the day? Isn’t it lunch time yet? Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. I am so very bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. I bet nobody else is this bored. Boredboredboredboredboredboredbored. I could not be more bored if I was watching the film Titanic, dubbed into Icelandic by someone with a really boring voice. Bored, bored, bored, bored. bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored,bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. If being bored was a criminal offence they would have to bring back the death penalty for me, but I am so bored I would welcome it as a bit of excitement. Bored, bored, bored, so bored. So very bored. So very, very, very bored. On a boredom scale of 1 to 10 I am bored to a level of about fourteen million, two hundred and eight five thousand, four hundred and eighteen. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. People who are kidnapped in the Middle East and chained to the wall in a cupboard for three years in the dark are not as bored as I am now. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. I am even bored of typing ‘bored’. Its boring. If there was a medicine for being bored I could take an overdose and still be bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. The old BBC2 testcard was less boring than this job. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. Watching a parliamentary debate on paint drying or a troupe of mime artists doing their interpretation of the complete Lord Of The Rings would be totally rivetting compared to this, because I am really, really, really, bored. Bored. With a capital B. Bored. Bored beyond belief. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. Even more bored than someone who has spent three days listening to Ken Livingstone recite the Birmingham telephone directory. Take the most bored you have ever been, then double it then take that and square it and it still doesn’t come close to how bored I am feeling now. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, boredboredboredboredboredbored. There are people living in Belgium who are less bored than I am, and we all know how boring Belgium is. I am so bored I would happily listen to a 32 CD boxed set of great British Rail station announcements. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. If there were exams in being bored I would get GCSEs, a bachelor of boredom degree and a post-graduate diploma in ennui. Bored, bored, bored. So fucking bored!!!

Still…. at least the Mrs. doesn’t make me listen to Jono Coleman on Heart FM in the car any more.

Now that WAS boring!!!