Masthead
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Hate mail

April 26th, 2006 · Posted by Skuds in Politics · 9 Comments · Politics

I got my first hate mail today. I feel quite flattered.

Here it is, in its entirety, with a few annotations in colour from me.

Andrew Skudder

You are a failed actor and a failed councillor, you have nothing to offer Broadfield so piss off!

Failed actor? I can’t remember failing. I can remember quitting it when my job left me no time to continue. That was right after playing the lead in a Shakepeare production at the Old Vic, which got my photo in the national papers when Liz Taylor came to the opening night. A failure I enjoyed very much at the time. Failed councillor? Maybe. depends how you define it. I think I could have done better. Then again, the only people who have never failed are those who have never tried anything, but in a way that is an even bigger failure I think.

Maybe I do have something to offer Broadfield or maybe I don’t, but I am actually standing for election in Pound Hill North. I shan’t piss off though. I like it here.

You even have to use your boy to do your leafletting, well fuck off away from my house,

Use my boy? He volunteered. But then he has been a member of the Labour party for a year. His choice. Our other boy hasn’t delivered any of my leaflets (in Pound Hill) but he has helped his Mother in Broadfield. He is also a party member. Also his choice.

And I would gladly stay away from your house if you had only mentioned the address – it really does not sound like a nice place to hang around anyway.

If you win it’ll be because of the Paki voters – not us, You’ve lost the white vote, you
wanker.

If I win in Pound Hill it’ll be a miracle of indeterminate ethnicity. Thank you for writing, and I do applaud the efficiency of letting the last word serve a dual purpose of the end of a sentence and a signature – a masterpiece of formatting.

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9 Comments so far ↓

  • Rupert

    Why the fuck did you put this Skudds…now dickhead Symonds will want to know why he’s not getting hate mail to…..!

  • Rihard W. Symonds

    The quality of your linguistic skills, Rupert, are in great demand by those involved in “Backward Nazi Politics”.

  • Rupert

    I thought Nazi’s invaded other peoples countries….like Iraq……oh I forgot that was New labour….well that’s all right then isn’t it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Jo

    You should frame it 🙂

  • Seb

    That’s amazing. Have you thought about reporting this to Tomorrow’s Worlds? I knew time travel would become possible one day.

  • Skuds

    I really wish I knew what that meant.

    I think it might be too subtle for me, but having it explained would ruin the humour, so I lose either way.

  • Seb

    Apologies. I did wonder if it might be a bit unclear.

    On realising his comments were real, at first I was excited and thought the racist guy must be a Martian, but then I realised that he’s simply from another era, a long, long time ago. Not that time travel is less interesting than Martians, mind.

  • Rihard W. Symonds

    Not a martian, Seb, just a bad example of a human being – the kind which would make any self-respecting martian take one look at our planet…and bugger off somewhere better – fast.

  • Bernie Morgan

    Hello me old mate its been very enter taining reading yer web site Id like to hear from you