At Kings Cross I bought a copy of Empire, the film magazine, to give me something to read during idle moments in the Doncaster hotel.When I shook it up to dislodge all the advertising inserts I found, alongside the ubiquitous brochure for Dell computers, another piece of advertising which was sealed up, with the warning:

“This envelope contains an offer of an erotic nature. If you are not into eroticism or are under 18 years old then kindly discard this envelope unopened.”

I can just imagine the average 17-year-old deciding that he doesn’t want to see anything which might be in the least titillating…

Anyway, I opened it up – like you do. I was not expecting to find anything too shocking since this envelope also had a banner on it saying “As seen on TV” but I did find something which baffled me.

The whole thing is for an ‘erotic catalogue’ from a company called pabo You can send off for a free catalogue. If you do that you get a free gift of an extremely uncomfortable-looking thong. So far so good.If you actually order something from the catalogue you get another free gift – it is referred to as a ‘surprise’ although actually telling you what it is does rather ruin the element of surprise. The free gift is a “Ginsu 2000 razor-sharp gourmet knife set.”

Is this just an incongruous and inappropriate promotional offer, or is there some form of foreplay I am unaware of which involves a 10-piece knife set?(That is a rhetorical question. If anyone knows, can they keep it to themselves.)