Remember “it’s just a joke, like on Top Gear”

Apparently it is the tallest parish church in Britain and possibly in Europe.  From the outside it is a very austere building with a rectangular footprint and no spire or tower.  The pitched roof is the only thing stopping it from being a giant box.  In some ways it reminds me of St. Swithuns in Hither Green, which I used to live opposite, but on a much larger scale – both are C of E churches but very ‘high church’ with masses and confession boxes.

All of which put me in the right frame of mind for the evening – Christ on a Bike at the Komedia, which is the show Richard Herring touring this year.

The show is a re-working of his 2001 show.  I like Herring and share his atheistic views so I knew I was going to enjoy it, though I can understand how and why some people wouldn’t.  The show has two major set pieces.  In the first half is a critique of the ten commandments, and in the second half is the tour de force which is a demolition of the first page of the bok of Matthew, wherein Herring recites the entire list of ‘begats’ in that gospel only to finish by demonstrating the irrelevence of it.

I had seen that routine before on Youtube and when he did it at the Lyric during one of the Sunday comedy nights but it is still funny and impressive.

Those highlights and a few lesser set pieces are bookended by a conceit about a fantasy cycle race between Herring and Jesus, which is where the show has more plot than laughs and probably loses more non-fans.I suspect that is why Chrystal was less than impressed by the evening.  I think she prefers more straightforward comedy like we went to before.

Frankie was like a pig in shit though.  He loved it and was dead chuffed to get his programme signed afterwards.  What I didn’t know was that, after I gave him a DVD of Herring’s Hitler Moustache show at christmas, he emailed him about something or other and got a reply.   I keep meaning to get around to writing something about people who ‘get’ the internet rather than just use it because they think you have to and Richard Herring is one of the top examples I had been thinking of – this just reinforces that view.

The Komedia is a strange place though.  I have been there three times now and each time it was in a different room.  The first time was to see the mighty Jerry Sadowitz who was performing in the downstairs bar at the back.  The second time was for a regular comedy evening and that was in a much larger room downstairs which I thought was the proper room.  This time round we were upstairs in an even bigger room – well one with a higher ceiling anyway.

I assume I’ve seen it all now but part of me wouldn’t be surprised to find that, if I went again, there turned out to be yet another performance space in there.  I was a bit relieved to see the size of the room we were in actually.  I had seen adverts for music at the Komedia – Metallica tribute bands, Steve Hackett, and so on, and was having trouble imagining them playin in the basement room with a one-foot high stage and hardly any headroom.

To top it all off nicely, we found that the Gourmet Burger Kitchen was still open after the show, so we filled our faces before going home.   I messed with the kids’ heads a bit by ordering the chicken satay burger without the bun.

October 22nd – Covered at the Queen’s Head, Horsham

Covered are a seven-piece covers band doing all sorts of stuff.  A lot of Motown/Stax stuff but also some more recent songs.  I’ve seen them a couple of times before, both times in this pub.

October 31st – Comedy night at the Lyric, Hammersmith

Regular monthly comedy night.  Richard Herring comperes.  Guests are David Schneider, Tony Law, Zoe Lyons and mystery guest.  I’ve seen Herring a few times in London and Brighton and seen Zoe Laws at Komedia in Brighton.  The hints are that this is a musical comedian which probably narrows it down to Bill Bailey or Tim Minchin.  I’m going to guess at Minchin.

December 2nd – Spizzenergi at the Dublin Castle, Camden

Spizzenergi Xmas party, with the full band.  A genuine punk survivor, with a very, very tight band behind him.  First saw in 1979 but lost count of how many times I have seen the band since then.

December 19th – The Glitterband at Dingwalls, Camden

With support from Captain Sensible and Spizzoil.  Very rare Spizzoil reunion because Pete Petrol now lives in NZ.

The woman, whom police have not named, grabbed the closest object – a courgette from her garden – and threw it at the bear, causing it to flee.

Brilliant.  One imagines the garden contains all sorts of gardening implements and tools, but the first thing she manages to lay her hand on is a courgette.  I am now in a state because I know it reminds me of a comedy film or TV programme where somebody is being attacked and is scrambling around for something to defend themselves: they fumble around things like a heavy ashttray, letter-opener and poker and end up grabbing something soft and inappropriate.

It is bugging me because I really can’t remember what the film/show was and what the inappropriate obkect was, though I think I saw it again recently.  Help. Can anybody remind me?

This time round there was a ‘secret TV star’ on the bill.  I think the last time there was a surprise act it turned out to be Daara O’Brien so the Lyric is not in the habit of over-hyping it.  The surprise guest this time was described as somebody who used to do stand-up but moved to doing a lot of TV work and is now preparing to go back to stand-up again.

When I booked I will admit that I was secretly hoping it would turn out to be Phill Jupitus.  His old stand-up routines about the elephants in the zoo and about spiders have me creased up every time I see them and he fits the description.  I was trying to think of other people who might be described as current TV people who are ex-stand-up comedians and my mind went a little blank: Sean Hughes?  Mark Lamarr?   Don’t see them on TV much these days.  Vic Reeves?  Never was strictly stand-up – more chaotic cabaret. Ben Elton?  More writer then TV person now. Ardal O’Hanlon?  Never really gave up the comedy as far as I know.

Today David Baddiel let the cat out of the bag and tweeted that he would be appearing on Sunday at the Lyric.

Interesting.

Now I can start speculating about October’s mystery guest will be.  The host, Richard Herring, describes him as one of his all-time favourite acts who is preparing for some stadium shows.  I think it’s a safe bet it will not be Peter Kay.  Izzard?

Three years ago they made a pilot which was a bit like the failed attempt at doing Red Dwarf – sticking slavishly to the original script, keeping one member of the UK cast – but now they are going for it again, keeping the spirit of the original but with their own scripts.  It isn’t clear if they are keeping the same cast.

The pilot is on Youtube and embedded in that story, and very interesting it is too.  Like with the first episode of the US version of The Office it is OK but feels really strange to hear familiar lines coming out of unfamiliar faces.   I enjoyed it, because it has a good script, but was left with a feeling of ‘why bother’?  It suffers from an absence of Chris Morris of course.

I hope they do manage to get it together.  At least they will end up making more than six episodes at a time, and the world needs more IT department-based shows.

After a slow start, the tournament is starting to get interesting now.   Last week I was off sick for a couple of days.  Should have been a great opportunity to see even more football but unfortunately I was actually unwell and slept through Italy’s last game, though I did see the Brazil/Portugal game which I seem to have enjoyed more than most people.

I’m actually kind of glad England lost on Sunday.  The way we have played all the way through it would have been a travesty if we had gone on to the quarter-finals.  I think that the best team won and that is really the problem.  For all the talk of Lampard’s shot going over the line we really didn’t deserve to win.

The Spain and Portugal game tonight was a cracker and the penalties in the Japan/Paraguay game were tense.  We now have the possibility of an all-South American line-up in the semis, but I don’t think that will happen.  Be nice to see Ghana get at least one stage further, and Germany should do well too.

I’m really going to be lost when it is all over.

Inbetween all the footie I squeezed in a visit to London for the comedy evning at the Lyric Hammersmith, hosted by Ruchard Herring.  Stewart Lee was the big draw, but Peter Serafinowicz was also on the bill which sonuded good.  Unfortunately I don;t think he is really suited to stand-up, which is a shame as he is tremendously likeable, a great comic actor, very decent impressionist and funny bloke.  It was more or less his first attempt at stand-up so perhaps he will get better if he sticks to it, he certainly didn’t look at ease with it.  Some good one-liners though, especially the one about Michael Jackson’s autopsy results¹

Another act on the bill was called The Freeze.  When they came on I was a bit worried as they seemed very shambolic, but it soon became apparent they were deliberately shambolic in the same way that Tommy Cooper was.  They mixed up some sketches, jokes, comic songs and poems and were like a condensed two-man footlights revue.  I enjoyed them a lot.

Being right at the front, row A, we did get picked on a bit: Frankie for his beard which Richard Herring described as a cross between Peter Sutcliffe and Beppe from Eastenders, the two least fashionable facial hair styles combined in one, and his name, and his t-shirt, and me for my advanced age.  I thought that was a bit rich considering I’m only about 5 years older than Herring!

If I find myself in the front row again I have a cunning plan.  If the comedian picks on me and asks what I do I think I will say I am a critic for the comedy section of a newspaper…  The silver lining is that I lost at the elections last month.  Just imagine having to admit you are an MP at a comedy gig.

Lots of other stuff going on, but I don’t expect to be writing about it until after the World Cup is over.

1. They found high levels of molesterol

You don’t need to be standing for election to enjoy it though!This was another book from Amazon’s Vine programme.  Unusually, this is one that I was going to buy, so when I saw it on Vine’s newsletter I jumped at it.  Having seen Richard Herring doing standup, listened to his Collings & Herrin podcasts, followed his blog, and even been to see one of the live podcasts in Brighton I fully expected to enjoy it, and so I did.

This is what I thought:

This is not an autobiography as such, but the story of the few months before Richard Herring’s 40th birthday and the year or so after it.

As you would expect of a book from a professional comedian it is funny, but it has a serious point to it as well and as the book progresses it becomes increasingly more serious, with fewer laughs. By then it doesn’t matter because you are hooked and wanting to know what happens next takes priority over where the next laugh is coming from.

As the book starts, Herring looks at where he is as he approaches 40 – no responsibilities, out drinking every night and a string of casual relationships. Although most blokes of the same age are probably paralysed with jealousy reading this, Herring himself is wondering whether there might be more to life and whether it really is time to settle down. It is surprisingly deep for a comedian’s memoirs, but never to the extent of being dull; in fact it is very funny indeed.

Fans of Richard Herring will be relieved to know that the contents have not already been covered in his long-running blog or podcasts – not that fans would be put off buying it even if that was the case – but they are going to get something new here, and something with a definite structure and story arc.

I really enjoyed reading this and I think most people would – once they understand the writer’s sense of humour. Anybody who has seen him perform or read his other writing will know how he likes to say bad things that he doesn’t mean for effect. On the page it can sometimes seem like he actually means it.

Recommended for anybody who is 40, used to be 40 or intends to be 40 some day.

Musically it has been a bit of a strange year, where I finally admitted that the current charts have no relevence to me at all.  I doubt I could name any of the year’s No. 1 singles, with the obvious exception of RATM.   As the year turned I found myself mostly listening to Planet Rock on DAB and then during the year Spotify came along and so a huge proportion of my listening has been catching up with the past.

As a result I discovered artists that somehow passed me by twenty or even thirty years ago – like PFM, Eloy, Tanzwut, Robyn Hitchcock, Telex, Suicide, Assemblage 23, or Kyuss.

Not that I avoided 2009′s new releases entirely, and there was some good stuff.  I enjoyed the new albums by Jay-Z, Depeche Mode, Rachid Taha, Morrissey, Khaled, Amadou & Mariam and Green Day.  My highlight was probably Madness’s magnificent Liberty of Norton Folgate.  I still can’t believe that a band who seemed to exist just to go through the motions playing the old hits live suddenly came out with a masterpiece.

Honorouble mentions to new acts in 2009 like the Dead Weather, Duckworth Lewis Method and Them Crooked Vultures.  I hope they all stay around for second albums.

Hardly saw any live music, but seeing Metallica at the O2 was the best, closely followed by Manu Chao at whatever the Town & Country is called now.

Television

What was on this year?   The thing that stands out was Torchwood – Children of Earth.  Truly scary, disturbing and thought-provoking.  The most engaging programme all year as far as I am concerned.

Jayne and I both enjoyed Being Human and also Life on Mars USA despite Harvey Keitel plainly being far too old for the role of Gene Hunt.   It lacked the smoke-filled atmosphere of the original, the main characters were not as well cast as the original, and it introduced some religious elements I wasn’t too keen on, but I still liked it.  Every episode left me amazed at the streetscene sets.  I am a little bit fascinated by New York of the 70s anyway, which might explain why I stuck with this.

I can hardly not mention the main event of 2009′s television – Dick-I-beg-your-pardon-Nick Griffin on Question Time.  Unintentionally hilarious throughout and one of the few genuine ‘water-cooler moments’ of the year.

Films

Who knows?  I am pretty sure I didn’t set foot in a cinema all year.  I have been going less and less often and enjoying it less each time since about the time mobile phones gto popular and I’m sure that is no coincidence.  District 9, Star Trek, Avatar and Sherlock Holmes looked like being quite fun and I will probably catch up with them on DVD – except for Avatar which looks like one to see on the big screen in 3D.

Events

The main event for me was surely the Labour conference in Brighton.  I had never been to a party conference before and was surprised by how interesting it all was, particularly the fringe events.  Other political events I enjoyed were the fundraiser in Crawley where I met John Prescott, meeting Peter Mandelson when he visited our new factory/offices to officially open them, and going to the Tolpuddle Martyrs Festival.

Other notable events were Chrystal passing her driving test and getting a car, Charlie moving out, finally seeing Metallica live and going to London with Jayne to see Manu Chao.  She doesn’t normally go to concerts with me – not since I took her to see the Tubes – so it was great to go to something we both enjoyed.  I was amazed when she made a bee-line for the mosh pit as soon as we got in there.

I have to mention the various times I saw events on Trafalgar Square’s 4th plinth.  Every time I was in town I made sure I had a look to see what was going on and made a special trip up there to see Krypto doing his atheist Thriller dance up there.  The whole thing was a brilliant idea.  Some of the individuals were not to my taste, but taken as a whole it was fascinating.

Otherwise the biggest events were our two holidays.  Having not been abroad on holiday for years it was strange to go away twice in a year and they were both brilliant for different reasons.  The first holiday was our last one with the kids and the second one was our first in ten years without them.

Comedy

This was the year I rediscovered the pleasures of live comedy.  I took Jayne to see Stewart Lee in Horsham and took Frankie to see Collings and Herrin in Brighton, Al Murray, Richard Herring and Alistair McGowan in London and Jerry Sadowitz in Brighton.

I never went to see it live, but Richard Herring’s As it Occurs to me (AIOTM) was a brave experiment which I downloaded every week as soon as it was available and thoroughly enjoyed.  Many is the time Jayne gave me strange looks as I was sitting at the PC with headphones on and suddenly bursting into laughter.

Tech

2009 was the year I finally ‘got’ podcasts and undertook the Herculean task of catching up with all the old Word magazine and Collings & Herrin podcasts.  I even installed the dreaded iTunes just so I could subscribe to half a dozen.  It was also the year I took the plunge with Twitter and found it better than I expected.

The new product that had the biggest effect on me had to be Spotify.  I also played with Ning which has possibilities.  The non-event for me has to be Google Wave.  So far I just can’t work out what to do with it.

What next?

The next year could see some major life changes.  There is a fair chance we will move house, and a major reorganisation at work is likely to see me in a different job before too long.   There will be a general election, probably in May, and I expect that to be a real experience.

I am making no firm predictions nor resolutions.

Personally I am just tired of the reading out of stories written by the pre-teen versions of C&H.  Unfortunately they seem to enjoy them and will probably continue, but it is a finite supply they have and it will run out soon, so I’ll just ride the wave.

Having said that, I quite enjoyed the version of the story The Thriling Three that Richard did on his other podcast, but that was more for the acting and business around it.

The disappointment was really that the whole thing felt a bit flat.  The last time they went to Brighton was one of mah favourite podcasts and I was hoping this one would be another high point but, for me, the reading out of old stories and the 70s paper version of the profanity app took up far too much of the time.

It was good to see the secret dancing demonstration though, in fact I thought Andrew Collins did very well on his own for somebody who is not a natural live performer.  He is actually a lot better looking in real life too.  Most photos I have seen of him are ones taken from a crappy webcam on his laptop.  It is quaint in a way, how he has to wave a laptop around to take a photo.  Maybe I should have taken the opportunity in the Q&A session to ask if he has heard of normal digital cameras…

It was not a bad night out. At one point I really was crying with laughter – unfortunately at the bit you really should laugh at. So not bad – just nowhere near as good as I had hoped it would be.

Part of the problem may be overfamiliarity as a result of following both twitter feeds, having both blogs on my RSS reader, and listening to both podcasts – sometimes you hear things that you have already encountered in several stages of development over the past week – but more often it means you get lots of interplay between them and references that would otherwise go over your head so in most cases it is positive.

I guess it was just my bad luck that one of the few episodes of the podcast that didn’t do it for me was one fo the few live ones and the only one I have been to.