Tonight was the last hustings of the election, which is probably just as well.  Each one has been on a larger scale than the last and I wouldn’t like to think of anything larger than this one.

I had a feeling it was going to be one of those days when I turned up at the school to find that the front gates had a large UKIP poster fixed to them.

As usual I turned up early.  I like to do that if I can,  it gives me a chance to have a bit of a walk around to clear my head.  I also take a book along so I can spend 15 minutes or so reading to take my mind off the prospect of having to stand up and speak to large groups of people.I was very impressed with the school buildings, as I have been with all the schools I have been to in the Horsham district.  They all seem to have very good spaces for gathering.  In my time at school the outdoor spaces were very functional for sport or play but now they have areas suitable for large groups to gather and sit – like you see in American high schools on the TV.

The sports hall was similarly impressive.  The first thing I noticed was the sheer number of chairs that were laid out.  There were about 250 chairs arranged around a stage, several stacks of chairs at the side ready in case they were needed, plus the bleachers had been set up.  How many people were they expecting?

The first hustings had about fifty in the audience. The second one had about 200.  This place had room for at least 500 if everyone budged up a bit, and I was hoping they wouldn’t need to.

As more and more people turned up I was feeling more than a bit nervous at the prospect of addressing so many people.  Eventually they stopped arriving, but not until all the chairs on the floor were filled and a good part of the raised seating.

The line-up was the same as the first one, which seems a lot longer ago than just yesterday, with the Greens, Christian party and the independent all unable to make it.  As Francis Maude and Godfrey Newman arrived I had a strange thought: in the last two days I have probably spent more time with them than with my wife!

The time came to kick off with the questions which started with easy ones about hospitals and schools.  Easy?  Perhaps less contentious might be a better way to put it.  After that it went downhill a bit as the next question was about the perceived discrimination against christians in the modern world. As soon as I made an opening remark about the fact that 28 unelected bishops sit in parliament I had an inkling that my views would not go down too well.

Did I mention that the event was organised by Horsham Churches Together and that the audience was largely composed of committed christians?  When I say committed I mean the kind who actually go to church, as opposed to those who just put C of E down on forms and never give a second thought to it, in fact many of them belonged to the Alpha organisation.  Did I also mention that I am firmly atheist?

I think you can see where this is going…

Contrary to popular belief, I am not anti-religion. I quite enjoy some of the trappings: the world would be a worse place without JS Bach’s St Matthew Passion, the basilica of Sacre Coeur, and the curry at the local gurdwara for a start.  I also like the way that churches have been the driving force behind a lot of humanitarian projects.  I just don’t share their belief in gods.

There must be some quote somewhere (because it is too good for me to have thought of it myself) about this.  A good politician will always know what an audience wants to hear; a really good politician will make the audience think he says it.  I am not a really good politician and I hope I never will be.

It could have gone worse though, and I hope that some of those in the hall appreciated the effort to be sincere, when it would have been far easier to go with the flow.  Fortunately the next question concerned overseas aid, where I think my views, though coming from a different direction, were more acceptable.

To illustrate the attitude of the audience, towards the end Francis Maude shoe-horned in his party’s policy on tax breaks for married couples.  He made some statement to the effect that the Conservatives believe marriage is important and the hall filled with applause.  He continued by saying that he wanted to be clear that included civil partnerships and same-sex partnerships and the air pressure in the room dropped, caused by 200 simultaneous and audible sharp intakes of breath.

It sounds like I’m complaining doesn’t it?  Actually I thought it was good to be able to have a decent debate on matters where there is a genuine difference of opinion.  How boring would it be if we all agreed on everything?  Mind you, by the time the issue of sex education came up I think the torches were being gathered up and everybody was asking around to see if anybody remembered to bring the matches.

Even so I think it was a positive meeting,  and some of the Alpha crowd invited me to join them in the pub.  Also it gave me a rare opportunity to see our Chair in a suit.

The other small pleasure was seeing the disappointment on my opponents’ faces when the plan for the evening was explained to us and we were told there was no opportunity for an opening or closing address.  Suddenly my total lack of preparation became an advantage.  It was a shame as it removed the possibility of bringing up topics that were not otherwise discussed – but I did have to smile at that.

After three of these in two days it was very tempting to say to Francis and Godfrey at the end “when shall we three meet again in thunder, lightning, or in  rain?” just to see if one of them would say “when the hurlyburly’s done, when the battle’s lost and won.”

Afterwards, a few people came up and said that they were ex-Labour members or supporters who had fell out with the party over the war or for other reasons and stopped voting Labour, but would vote for me personally having heard my views.  I liked that bit.  I did make it clear early on to the Chair and the membership that I saw our campaign as an opportunity to show the more progressive socialist types in the constituency that the Labour party can still represent them and would be reaching out to them rather than trying to chase the middle classes.   With Horsham not being a marginal I do have the luxury of being able to stick to my principles without getting stressed about the outcome.

We are only half-joking when we say that our strategy for attracting votes is to go for quality rather than quantity.

I’m a bit worried though.  On the way home the heavens opened and then as I was on the straight, fast bit of dual carriageway near Colgate my wipers stopped working.   I know we all have to go some time, but I would rather not die of irony, not yet anyway.