I don’t think I shall ever understand the French – and not just because I didn’t pay enough attention when studying for O levels.
I was watching a concert last night on the France 2 channel (courtesy of TV5 Europe on Sky Digital) – it is referred to in this blog.
I think the concert was something to do with the solstice. There was a clock onscreen counting down seconds until sunset and shortly after it reached zero there were a load of fireworks. It was quite amusing actually. This clock had been counting down for hours, and at the point where it reached zero the crowd were doing the ‘dix-neuf-huit’ countdown bit, but the presenter, Danièla Lumbroso, was jabbering away about something and totally missed it. Although its a bit naff, I am sure that a British TV show which was counting down to a specific time would actually make something of it when that time arrived.
Anyway, the venue was the Palais de Versailles and there was a large empty stage in the main courtyard. The format was that one artist would do a song, then go over and talk to Miss Lumbroso for what seemed like ages. At the end of that the artist or Miss L would announce the next artist and song, and so on.
With such a quick turnaround of artists it was pretty obvious that none of the instruments were plugged in. The singers were either miming or singing over a pre-recorded backing track. Not only could nobody keep setting up a band’s gear that quickly, but there were no microphones apparent on the drum kit or leads on the guitars, and every band used the same drumkit and keyboard. Even Top Of The Pops looks more convincing!
Imagine a British crowd, even at a free event, putting up so patiently with bands only doing one song and then spending longer talking than they did playing – and thats without the Minister of Culture and other bigwigs joining in for some of the discussions. There were a couple of decent artists on (Amadou & Mariam, Moby, Yannick Noah) and it was so frustrating to have them do just one mimed song so that there would be room for all the other, frankly sub-Eurovision wastes of space. When it came to the big fireworks, they had Nigel Kennedy miming Summer from the Four Seasons to plug his new CD, “Vivaldi 2” (!)
I know I should have turned over, but it was like a car crash: you want to see if it will get any worse, and I was looking forward to seeing Amadou & Mariam as well. When I got home from the pub at 10:30 the show was already on, and it finished at about 1:30am. So that French audience put up with all that, at an out-of-town venue, until past midnight in the middle of the week.
Danièla Lumbroso’s choice of dress looked increasingly ill-advised as the night got colder and windier, and the whole thing was really crying out for Terry Wogan to do a voiceover. The whole thing was like the 80s Radio 1 roadshow from Hell. Lets hope they do better with the Live 8 show at the same venue, and let the bands play their instruments and do more than one song!
But for a really good laugh, try the Google translation of that blog. Even with my tenuous grasp of the language, the page made more sense in French. My favorite bit?
A pleiad of French-speaking and international high-speed motorboats are awaited among which Bryan Adams, Keane, Moby, Shakira…
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